inspiring. trying. lovely.

"describe your time at ekisa in three words." i'm standing at the kitchen table when she asks me this. the rice steams and pots clatter. and i'm standing there, at a loss for words. "three words?" i repeat dumbly, "Is that even possible?" 

to summarize the past 2 months in a matter of three words. the task is daunting. there's not a word or phrase that could describe my time at ekisa thus far. indescribable, the word seems overused. incredible, the word too vague. amazing, the word insufficient. it's not been hard, but it's not been easy either. i grasp for words all afternoon, thinking of words that fit this experience.

The first word that comes to mind is inspiring. these children, with their love and their strength and their joy and their persistence and their humor and their innocence. They inspire me… to love more, to serve more, to be more joy-filled, to be less afraid, to be stronger, to give any and every task in front of me my all, to laugh more, to know it's okay to cry, to be real and honest with those around me, to be trusting and give the people in my life the opportunity to get close, and to stop and smell the roses, because this life it's so beautiful, and it's so short. This time at Ekisa, it's been inspiring. 

These Ekisa days, they've been trying… on days where Paul just won't listen and Ziki gives me that blank stare of his (even though he clearly understands me) and Mweru runs into the kitchen for literally the 10th time that morning, my patience wears thin. on days where the screaming babies and talking mamas and the barking dog are so loud and i just need 5 minutes of quiet to regain my sanity. when i step in Jonah's poop outside, and I'm already covered head to toe with dirt and susu and drool and everything possible. when i wake up emotionally, physically, and spiritually exhausted and i don't think i have what it takes to do another day. these days are trying. But He is uses them- to stretch me beyond my capabilities and rely on His grace. He uses them to grow me- to bring me to a deeper level of serving and learning and drawing closer to His heart. He uses them to change me- to break my heart for what breaks His and to see the world with His eyes. He uses them to reveal Himself to me- to show me how broken and sinful I am, and how perfect He is and how He loves so greatly. This time at Ekisa, it's been trying.

Lovely. The definition of the word is: beautiful, exquisite, sweet, enchanting, pleasing, splendid, delightful, very nice, wonderful, superb, magical, amazing. This 2 months, they've been filled with more love than I could've imagined. I get more goodnight kisses and good morning hugs and snuggles than my heart can hold. This country is beautiful- from its open fields and stunning clouds and red dirt to its trash piles and broken sidewalks and wet alleyways. These people in this country are sweet, with their warm smiles and friendly greetings. My days of chasing children around the backyard while the sun beats on our backs are splendid. This life -with its cold showers and ants in the sugar and kids that use me as a human jungle gym and market shopping for fresh produce- it's beautiful, simple, delightful. It's lovely. 

 Inspiring. Trying. Lovely. These words, they don't suffice my experience. But these words, they're the best that I can do.