update

Lots of aching hearts here. Burying a child really, really sucks. Trying to process through the past 2 days, while life keeps going and kids still need loving and dishes still need washed and dinner still needs to be made. Your prayers are so very appreciated by all of us here at Ekisa.
We miss you Zuena, so much.

this girl

We're kicking a soccer (err, foot) ball around the yard. I've known this girl for barely a week.. and already I know she's one of the strongest kids ever. My arms are tired. It's been 20 minutes of this. Me holding her, her kicking this ball round and round, laughing and laughing. I have a lot to learn. This girl, she's strong.

She's sitting in her stroller during school. And I hold the blue block in one hand and the green in the other. "Which one is blue, Debra?" her fist points. Flashcards scattered, "Is this the letter S?" her head bobs. She's always right. This girl, she's smart.

(photo credit- Josey Hammond)

The drum pounds and little feet dance and heads shake. And we're sitting there on the couch. "Do you want to dance?" Laughter and giggles and swinging. I want to stop. I'm hot and sweaty and exhausted. And this girl, she won't stop, she's determined. 

Feet flat on the ground, she stands. Her hands grasping mine. Loud squeals and big smiles. Closing my eyes, I imagine the day she'll take her first step. And you might think that's not going to happen, but I think different. Because this girl, she's persistent.

Tiny feet stepping on her little fingers, questions asked and waiting for headshakes of yes or no, frustration and yelling, excited squeals and shouts. She can't speak, but she's found a way to communicate. And I don't always get it right and I don't always understand. But I'm thankful that this girl, she's patient.

Laying in bed, brown eyes gazing into mine. "Do I get a goodnight kiss tonight?" There's an all-to-familiar, mischievous glint in those eyes. Head shakes no. "What??" Smile grows wider. "I think.. sniff.. I'm going.. sniff.. to cry now." Her uncontrollable laughter erupts. This girl, she's got a sense of humor.

This girl, she never stops teaching me. She's got a determination and strength and joy and spunk I admire and desire. This blog post doesn't do her spirit and strength and personality justice, until you meet her, you will never completely grasp that. This girl, she's fearfully and wonderfully made; she's precious. When I grow up, I want to be just like this girl.

we boated the Nile today

It's Auntie B's last weekend here, and so we did something special today. We took a boat on the Source of the Nile! And here's some pictures of our hour-long boat ride :)

Our sweet guide, Joel. He showed us the birds and crabs and monkeys.

This bird is only 3 cm big.

Fishing.

A monkey and monkey-baby.

Our group! (from left to right) Michelle, Josey, Brecklyn, me, Sara. 

thankful

[note: this post was written yesterday, Thanksgiving day]

My heart is missing Chicago today… and my family sitting around the dining room table, laughing and sharing a meal together. I miss my crock pot with stuffing cooking inside, and homemade crescent rolls rising on the stovetop, and the pumpkin pie baked and safely placed atop the refrigerator. I miss Christmas music on Pandora playing loudly and shiny white Christmas lights and stockings hung up the stairway. I miss sweaters and cold weather and wool socks on my feet. I miss my Thanksgiving menu plan and a house that was cleaned the night before and apple-scented candles burning.

I woke up this morning, Thanksgiving morning. I went for a run, listening to Christmas music, and I let my heart ache for all the people and moments I am missing today. Because I'm learning that sometimes, you need to just let yourself miss home.

There's a turkey in the oven, and an apple pie to be made later this afternoon, and in between, lots of potatoes to peel and children to love. And tonight I'll sit around the table with people who aren't my family, but are becoming dear friends. And we'll cut the turkey that was running around our backyard less than 12 hours before and we'll share a meal and appreciate that pumpkin pie just a bit more than we would back home. And it won't be like Thanksgiving back home, but it will still be wonderful.

My heart is aching to be in Chicago right now. But He whispers quietly yet firmly, "You can focus on what you miss and what you have lost, or you can focus on what is here in front of you now And be thankful for now."  And so I make a list of the moments this past week that have made me smile. The thankfulness grows and -despite my aching heart- praise overflows from the depths of my soul.

Thankful for his smile.

Thankful to know this girl and for the many, many lessons she's teaching me.

Thankful for rainstorms and the cool weather that comes with.

Thankful for his joy.

Thankful for Isaac and his sense of humor, and the many laughs he gives me.

So thankful for this mama, and her love for this boy.

 Thankful for care packages and pieces of home!

Thankful we serve a healer-God, and for this girl's smile.

None of this is forever. And so I'll squeeze these kids a little tighter today, thankful to know them and to be here. 

a little bit of life lately

Auntie "B" and Isaac.

Ziki, practicing putting on clothes and zippering them up during school.

Washing bedsheets with Mama Nam.

Bonfire under the African stars. 

Auntie Josey and Jonah.

A normal, typical walk to the Nile.

Ditte and Walter helping with laundry!

Baby-wearing. We love moby wraps and slings around here (this one's for you, Rachel).

Headed to town with Paul for soda and sweeties (chocolate cake).

Jaja Sam, love this kid.

inspiring. trying. lovely.

"describe your time at ekisa in three words." i'm standing at the kitchen table when she asks me this. the rice steams and pots clatter. and i'm standing there, at a loss for words. "three words?" i repeat dumbly, "Is that even possible?" 

to summarize the past 2 months in a matter of three words. the task is daunting. there's not a word or phrase that could describe my time at ekisa thus far. indescribable, the word seems overused. incredible, the word too vague. amazing, the word insufficient. it's not been hard, but it's not been easy either. i grasp for words all afternoon, thinking of words that fit this experience.

The first word that comes to mind is inspiring. these children, with their love and their strength and their joy and their persistence and their humor and their innocence. They inspire me… to love more, to serve more, to be more joy-filled, to be less afraid, to be stronger, to give any and every task in front of me my all, to laugh more, to know it's okay to cry, to be real and honest with those around me, to be trusting and give the people in my life the opportunity to get close, and to stop and smell the roses, because this life it's so beautiful, and it's so short. This time at Ekisa, it's been inspiring. 

These Ekisa days, they've been trying… on days where Paul just won't listen and Ziki gives me that blank stare of his (even though he clearly understands me) and Mweru runs into the kitchen for literally the 10th time that morning, my patience wears thin. on days where the screaming babies and talking mamas and the barking dog are so loud and i just need 5 minutes of quiet to regain my sanity. when i step in Jonah's poop outside, and I'm already covered head to toe with dirt and susu and drool and everything possible. when i wake up emotionally, physically, and spiritually exhausted and i don't think i have what it takes to do another day. these days are trying. But He is uses them- to stretch me beyond my capabilities and rely on His grace. He uses them to grow me- to bring me to a deeper level of serving and learning and drawing closer to His heart. He uses them to change me- to break my heart for what breaks His and to see the world with His eyes. He uses them to reveal Himself to me- to show me how broken and sinful I am, and how perfect He is and how He loves so greatly. This time at Ekisa, it's been trying.

Lovely. The definition of the word is: beautiful, exquisite, sweet, enchanting, pleasing, splendid, delightful, very nice, wonderful, superb, magical, amazing. This 2 months, they've been filled with more love than I could've imagined. I get more goodnight kisses and good morning hugs and snuggles than my heart can hold. This country is beautiful- from its open fields and stunning clouds and red dirt to its trash piles and broken sidewalks and wet alleyways. These people in this country are sweet, with their warm smiles and friendly greetings. My days of chasing children around the backyard while the sun beats on our backs are splendid. This life -with its cold showers and ants in the sugar and kids that use me as a human jungle gym and market shopping for fresh produce- it's beautiful, simple, delightful. It's lovely. 

 Inspiring. Trying. Lovely. These words, they don't suffice my experience. But these words, they're the best that I can do.