Not a day has gone by where I haven't imagined your brown eyes and that infectious smile. I have thought of you every day since I last saw you-- snoozing away in your new homemade pac'n'play in your home in Limbe.
Long after you've gone, you still have this way of changing me.
I miss the sound of your laughter. The memory of our sensory play afternoons is never more than a breath away. The zip-up footie pajamas I walk past in Target never fail to make me pause, remembering you. You are a fond memory- one that pierces to the heart of me.
One year ago, I watched you stand.
Today I find myself miles from you. Yet I spend my days loving on another precious boy who reminds me every bit of you and the things I dream for you. So many dreams in one single day-- the dream to watch you blossom and grow, the dream to see you walk, the dream for you eat more than rice and spaghetti and oatmeal, the dream to see you thrive.
In me you ignited a spark that lit so many hopes and dreams. In me you planted a fearless hope, to believe our God still does the impossible. In me you created this passion that floods my mind at night and consumes more and more pieces of me.
You have given me a most precious gift.
I'm finding the will of God it be a most puzzling place these days. I often feel like I am Abraham on Mount Moriah. But I am learning to trust in these heartbreaking and puzzling plans our God unfolds. For He is good.
My arms ache to feel the weight of you in them, to kiss your cheeks and trace the lines in your face and whisper the ways you are so precious to the One who made you.
Until then,
All my love,
Anna
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