when in haiti

This post has been in the making since November, although mostly finished off at about 5 am this morning. So keep in mind it's written by an over-tired, homesick, slightly crazed, heavy-hearted, I've-been-in-Haiti-for-a-month-now girl.

You know you're in Haiti when…

- 5 hours of sleep is deemed a good night's rest.

- your hair falls out by the handfuls, and you're pretty certain you'll be bald before you reach 30.

- months feel like days but weeks feel like months. you're living in a time warp. 

- rain beats the tin roof, steadfast and hard.

- the sight of two blancs and a caramel-colored 3 year-old driving away on the four wheeler never ceases to bring a smile to your face.

- you know Who your hope rests in.

- He is enough. always. and you're re-learning that daily.

- you can't recall what clean feels like at this point.
- an eno hammock is now considered a necessity in order to function in life.

- when the power comes on 20 minutes early you're as giddy as a 7-year-old on Christmas morning.

- chickens chill in the rafters of your classroom. no big deal.

- you're in a constant state of desperation for His grace, because this place is more intense than one can handle alone.

- dark chocolate covered almonds with turbinado sugar and sea salt. do I really need to say more?

- you've spent 3 weeks explaining the concept of telling time. but they are starting to get it!

- you name the rat that's living in your bathroom (who's been particularly quiet lately).

- you remember how sin-filled and broken and lost this world truly is. Come Lord Jesus. 

- you don't know how you'd survive without the ones who wash your clothes and share movie nights with you and live this crazy thing called life. you are infinitely blessed by them daily.

- you tell kids things like, "We don't pee in the shower," and "Stop it! You'll break his face." 

- you're homesick. and there's not enough chocolate in the world to fix how much you miss the ones you left back in Chicago.

- wait… potatoes aren't supposed to be the size of ping-pong balls?

- you've laughed louder and cried harder than in a long time.

- you're constantly used as a human jungle gym. and you've got the bruises and sore-spots to prove it.

- there's a battle for souls that is real and intense. and your most desperate prayer is to never lose sight of that.

- emails from home are the best.

- you now have every little reader book you brought memorized. 

- the beauty is intricately woven throughout your days.

- it's an endless and hopeless search for bananas. which makes no sense, because you live on a tropical island.

- staying awake past 9 o'clock is life on the wild side, friends. truly.

- there are hard stories and heartbreaking situations, and some days all you can do is beat your hands against the floor and cry to the One who is still sovereign and still good.

- the question haunts the back of your mind, "how can I stay in such a place?" and the only answer you have is another question, "but how on earth could I leave?" 

- there's probably bug spray in your bloodstream by now.

- you look forward to sister movie nights and baking parties with great eagerness. 

- nothing ever makes sense here. ever. (hence the banana thing)

- you've done jumping jacks and crunches and push-up's before in attempt to "warm up" for your ice-cold shower. it didn't work.

- you're fairly certain you'll be gray-haired and wrinkled before you can speak fluent Creole. 

- there's always room for one more!

- your room has become the holding place of candy and gum and crackers for all the little hoarders that live downstairs. 

- they are absolutely crazy, but you love them dearly.

- there are moments you can't remember your own name. 

- just when you think there's not one more piece of your heart to lose, this places snatches yet another bit of it. forever ruined.

- life feels so bittersweet, because your heart forever resides in two entirely different places.

- your life holds both a sense of great sorrow and immense joy. but mostly longing. because you realize you will never have all the ones you love in the same room. this gives you great joy when you're with the ones you haven't seen in a while. but a deep sense of sorrow for the ones you've left behind. mostly what there is though, is longing. for eternity and for His kingdom come.