on the past 2 weeks

I’ve been out at an orphanage in Limbe for the past week and a half, and haven’t had internet. But hooray- I have internet now! So this blogpost is a combination of journal pages, letters to home, and prayer journal entries combined.

October 19^th, 2013

It’s 7 o’clock in the evening and I’m sitting at an orphanage in Limbe. There’s a long wooden table, two bunk beds, cement flooring, a kitchen full of ants. And I have no idea what I am doing here. I don’t know how I fit in here, with these squishy homes and crumbling cement buildings and beautiful mountaintops. I'm doubting everything that has happened leading up to this point, if I truly heard Him right, if I really should be here. But His ways are not my ways, nor His plans my plans, and so I am learning to trust, trust, trust. It is a hard yet beautiful place to be.

The drive here was absolutely gorgeous—mountains and bridges and water and rice fields. Absolutely breathtaking, the beauty of this place. On one side of you is creation so incredible, and on the other side is a poverty so great it is devastating. Two-story cement buildings –that look on the verge of falling down—are homes to countless families here. Scrap metal roofing and gates and dirt roads and piles of garbage. Women hauling water, children walking without shoes, men pushing heavy wheelbarrow loads. It’s too much for a mind to comprehend.

The children at this orphanage are adorable, exhausting and crazy, but adorable. They call me “Hannah”, well except for the one boy who likes to call me “Blanc!” (meaning white. haha) because it has turned into a funny joke for the two of us. The goal is to give these children a safe place to grow up, to teach them and feed them and show them the love of God. And also to prepare them for a life in Haiti once they are old enough. God is doing such incredible things with this ministry here and with this couple running it. I am so thankful, to be here to have have the opportunity to be such a small part of this place for the next 2 months.

October 23^nd 2013

It’s one of those mornings, where “Tis So Sweet To Trust In Jesus” is on repeat in iTunes, and I need to hear it multiple times this morning while sipping my morning coffee. It’s also one of those mornings where I need coffee. Haha. Praying that from sin and self, I can cease. And simple take life and rest and joy and peace from Him who is all that, and so much more. 

The day holds spelling words and multiplication tables and a room full of kindergarteners who will fight for my attention and want help with homework and need more than I can give. We will review at, man, kind, small, boy, tall, new.. we will go over multiplication tables and get the numbers mixed up, we'll read and re-read the same stories and sing the same songs and, Lord, I'm too empty to make it through this day.  But You are enough to fill me and meet my needs, so that I can then be used by You to meet theirs. Let Your grace fall, let it fall on us like rain.

October 24^th, 2013

Yesterday started with me waking up with the kids’ cold. Fun stuff. It was bound to happen eventually, when you hang out with 30 kids who are all coughing and sniffling. At least they are cute :) Last night was mostly spent tossing and turning. Dogs barking and howling literally All. Night. Long.  And unless the sun makes a brief appearance at 1 in the morning, I have no clue why roosters were clucking back and forth in conversation. The power went out again (like usual) and I woke up (like usual) in a hot, stuffy room drenched in sweat. To top it all off, a mosquito -who managed to squeeze his way into the teeny tiny opening of my netting- was buzzing in my ear all night. And when it’s you v.s. a mosquito in the dark at 2 a.m. your chances are catching and killing him are about one in seven hundred and eighty five thousand. It was at about that point I succumbed to the fact that for the night, sleep had eluded me and a mosquito would feast on my blood all night and there was nothing I could do about any of it. Needless to say, this morning I’ve been moving at the speed of a turtle with dark circles around my eyes, clutching a cup of coffee like my life depends on it.

 But despite the horrible night, the extra bug bites, and the nasty cold, I can honestly say that here I am happy. These kids, they keep me laughing and exhausted all day long. They fill my heart, they make me dream, they teach me, and usually they are just plain ole nuts. These days are an absolutely beautiful mess of crazy chaos, and I wouldn't change any of it.

October 27^th, 2013

The goodness of the Lord is bringing me to my knees tonight, so humbled and grateful. In the past week, I have witnessed His faithfulness. His grace has been sufficient and has carried me. His love has been constant, even in the moments He has seemed distant, He has never left. Tonight my heart will sing His praises.

I have had days here where I don’t know how I will wake up in the morning, nights I have cried to be home in my bed, under the same roof as my family, with the comforts my flesh is longing for. But I have had days where the sun beats on my back and children whisper secrets in my ear and tiny humans sit on my lap and little arms wrap around my neck and someone is shouting, “Hannah! Hannah!” and our laughter rings loudly and my heart is so full.

Tonight, a girl sits on her bunk bed in a small town in Haiti while the lights flicker and crickets sing and a stiff breeze blows, and the goodness of the Lord is not lost on her. She is recounting the past few weeks, and all that has happened and all He has whispered to her. “Taste and see that the Lord is good; blessed is the man who takes refuge in Him.” (Psalm 34:8) He is good, friends; He is so good.

For the past 21 days, my soul has been taking refuge in Him. And tonight, I have tasted and I have seen and I know this-- He is good. Tomorrow His mercies will come with the sunrise, fresh and new and beautiful. No matter what the day holds -whether it’s the happiest of laughter or the bitterest of tears- He will be faithful again. He will love us again. And He will be so good, again.

Thank You, Lord. For You are Who You say You are, and that is more than enough.